The D-Word's life is one of glamour and riches, as only a documentary filmmaker can live it

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i must say, your entries have become some of my most eagerly awaited personal updates online. how strange.

Strange, indeed. But thanks for the sentiment, Justin.

I'm now high on his list of recommended home pages. Geez, it's enough to give an "old mediator" a swilled head.

Noticed recently that I also have the honor of having my own special page on Justin's site. For the longest time that page was oddly blank -- just my name and a lonely link to the D-Word. I often wondered what did that mean? Didn't Justin realize I maybe wanted to be fodder for his cyber gristmill? Or was he concerned I'd turn around and make it fodder for my own?

In Jon Lebkowsky's recent article about Home Page for the Austin Chronicle (if they put it online I'll link to it), I addressed the matter a little deeper:

Austin Chronicle: I was fascinated by the reactions of
Justin's friends and acquaintances to his tendency to
record all aspects of his, and (by association) their, lives.
They were sort of laughing it off, but there seemed to be
an underlying tension.

Doug Block: Yes, I did find a great deal of tension in the
reactions of those Justin comes in contact with regarding
their "representation" on his pages. Many of his
classmates dislike what Justin is doing, including my own
stepson. They feel he goes too far in invading the privacy
of others and are highly suspicious of his motives. Of
course, being polite kids, they're not going to make a
scene, but they let their feelings be known. On the other
hand, others are attracted to him for the very same reason-
- for example, the girlfriend who accessed his Web page
on camera to find out what Justin had written about their
weekend together and what the status of their relationship
is. Or the prominent Web journalist who traveled with
him for part of his Web evangelism road tour and wrote
about him largely out of sexual attraction (and knowing
he would likely write an account of their sexual activities-
- which, in fact, he did).

What I didn't count on at the beginning was that there
would be tension between me, as documentarian
chronicling Justin on tape, and Justin, as Web
documentarian chronicling his life but also being
chronicled.

I didn't anticipate that I would ever have my own Web
site, particularly one that would report my ongoing
process. And that on my Web site I would be writing
about Justin. And that it would interfere with the process
in certain ways. Or that, at times, Justin would grab my
camera and turn it around on me and ask embarrassing
questions. I wasn't prepared for my own privacy to be
invaded by a master of invasion.

I wonder now, though, even as I write this, if I wasn't, on
some level, attracted to Justin for a similar reason as that
journalist. Not that I wanted sex with him, but that I was
fascinated by the prospect of his writing up our
interaction, and that would create an interesting tension
between filmmaker and subject.

But, in the end, tension is good. Tension makes for drama
and humor and compelling storytelling. We don't mind
tension one little bit, us documentary chroniclers of the
human experience.

Speaking of tension and interactive journalmaking reminds me of Bill Walker. Bill and I eventually worked our stuff out, but I was thrilled nonetheless to get this the other week:


Date: Thu, 27 Nov 1997 00:10:50 -0500
From: Bill Walker
(billw@iwaynet.net)
To: dbblock@el.net
Subject: Ha! You'll like this....

Hey Doug-- Mitzie just walked in as I was reading your latest journal entry. She read along with me for a bit and then announced that it was the most interesting thing I'd shown her on the web so far! I guess we're not bored in Ohio any more.

Mitzie is Bill's wonderfully down-to-earth wife, and has no more time or inclination to peruse this Web stuff than my own wife. So this is a huge compliment.

As for the film, I get incredible support on two fronts just when I need it most. Both Michel Negroponte and Mona Davis love the revised rough cut, though both have many comments and suggestions. Despite my anxiety and self-doubt, we're clearly moving in the right path.

Debbie was right, putting more of Marjorie's interview into the film has made a big difference. Mona picks up on this right away. "The film is not about your relationship with Justin," she claims. "There really wasn't one, at least as supported by the material you shot. It's more about how his inspiration leads you on this journey that ultimately leads you to home and your real primary relationship -- with your wife."

I don't disagree. So now it's a matter of finding the material to support that story. Which means shooting the screens of some of my own journal entries. After all, The D-Word -- the forum that has gradually freed me to reveal myself -- has become a critical part of it.

Fodder, one might say, for my celluloid gristmill.

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