The D-Word's life is one of glamour and riches, as only a documentary filmmaker can live it

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Some vacation. Marj and Lucy will be out at Louse Point through today but four days was all I could afford. Even then I was on the phone for far too much of Monday and Tuesday because the edit system was still down. My left eye got infected Monday and puffed almost shut. Had to drive an hour each way to the nearest eye doctor.

But had five solid days to work without family responsibilities. Time to kick work ethic to a new level.

Returned late Tuesday night and checked e-mail for the first time in four days. Justin is finally back from Honduras. “i’ve got perspective now,” he writes, in the usual lower-case. “i’m living with amy. i love her.”

Jon Lebkowsky lets me know the R.U. Sirius article about Home Page and Yours Truly is up on Wired Online. Take a peruse and, whoa, it’s the lead article of the day. Read further on to find lines like:

“... a full multimedia examination of truth-telling and privacy in the digital age. It would be hard to think of a more constructive use of the media involved.”

“...an irreverent media funhouse of a film.”

“as intimate as a sexual relationship...”

And then the killer:

“Home Page is brimming over with playful, humorous, youthful energy that threatens to make it the Gen-X film of the decade.”

Uh, oh! Guess I gotta finish the damn thing now!

The next day, back in the edit room with a working Media 100 at last, I think Debbie and Jared are tiring of my prefacing every remark with: “As auteur of the Gen-X film of the decade...”

Three days and nights go by in a blur of 3x5 index cards, transcripts, logs and footage. We’re putting together a giant jigsaw puzzle piece by piece, chunk by chunk, and we’re getting our first glimmer of the larger picture. It’s a fun, rewarding, feverishly creative time, filled with discoveries.

Last week I was devestated to learn I’d accidentally erased Mom’s answering machine message in which she excitedly announced she and Dad have gotten a new computer (and proceded to tick off all the specs). For years, they’ve been insisting they wanted nothing to do with e-mail or being online whatsoever. Always saw the message going over footage of their 50th anniversary celebration, since it ends with Mom threatening to divorce Dad if he insists on hogging the computer. Woulda been hilarious.

But ya roll with the punches and now I see another way to make it work. Pare down the anniversary to the bone. Go to a question I asked Mom about the computer upstairs in her bedroom. It was from a different time, but we can make it seem like I asked it during the party (with some party tone behind the answer) Her response there made for a wonderful moment. Less funny, but it gives Mom more of her due as a person. Guess it was meant to be.

I find a critical moment for near the end when I’d given Justin the camera and permission to fire questions at me, which he did for nearly an hour-and-a-half. I don’t like any of my responses, and begin to despair. Suddenly, I find a short but telling interaction:

Justin - Is this your most autobiographical film?

DB- Yeah, sure.

Justin- The tape-end light is blinking.

DB- That’s okay, we have 5 more minutes left (it could well work out that this happens about 5 minutes from the end of the film).

I stare unflinchingly at Justin behind the lens.

DB- Go ahead, ask me anything.

For someone who’s wrestled the camera away from Justin earlier to avoid his embarassing probing, it’s a big movement. Signifies my acceptance of being in the public eye and subject to personal scrutiny.

Come back cross-eyed at 2 in the morning, can’t even remember which day now and go filmmaking conference #171 on The Well (alas, members only) devoted to Home Page.

Justin has posted some comments:

there's a new one -

"Is Justin Hall a liberator, bravely bringing personal truths out into the open or a harbinger of a total mutual surveillance culture that will limit our freedom by limiting our privacy?"

i'm beginning to see why people say never read your critics

or watch your documentaries -

i'd like to share a doug moment here:

he sent me the 15 minute sample (which isn't on the web as i far as i know - even for folks with T1's)
i hadn't seen it yet, i thought, hey, why not show it at christmas, and maybe my family can meet some of the people i work with, and maybe get a sense of what it is i do

"fellate myself"
was the line that made my stepfather look like he'd sat on something wet.

i don't need critics; doug gives me an opportunity to appear much more vivid than buried textual semen-eatings in a bloated personal web. i'll get my own self in trouble.

what's it like being filmed? what do you think of doug? she asked,

it's a bit like having a voyeur call up and ask you to raise the shades.

i don't live in fear RU. i try to live honestly. that's perspective, doug, from honduras, different honesty. frankly, i feel tougher. more compassionate maybe too. i think my private parts grew. ask amy.

i am going back to swarthmore in ten days. i'm sure it will be ambivilent there too. i don't know why i so urgently chase intimate relations online, but since i do, i've learned to justify it by honesty and soul directed mediating.

i must say i've been pleasantly treated by doug's web sentiments.
either this documentarian came to this web world with an appropriate ethic, or he learned quickly the way this web world works. i have the feeling he will be appropriately rewarded. i mean, revealing himself online. giving things away. emphasis on links ("i don't care if people leave my site" - really, doug. that's so 1994).

and he's talking about sex.

doug - refresh my memory on rebecca's vagina bit, please.

Rebecca wasn’t too happy with that, I guess. She posted:

JUSTIN!!!!!!!!!!!!

The emminently quotable R.U. piped in next:

i just ask the question justin. i'm on your side. i'm for full on blabbermouth speech...

And finally Jon Lebkowsky:

Doug, bring your camera over HERE!

Justin, you're reflected in 'links,' and now the reflection's reflected in 'Home Page.' At least we know you're not a vampire! I wonder, though, if there's any confusion of the reflection with the real, or are they different?

There's no answer to that one.

I go to bed dreaming of links and connections...

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